On a More Serious Note or: Fuck You Cancer

What the hell, Cancer?

I just found out today a woman I went to high school with has ovarian cancer.  She and I were not close friends.  At best, we could be described as acquaintances.  Hearing the news of her illness today affected me in a way I didn't really expect and took me quite off guard.

I got really weepy.


I mean, I am not a callous bitch. (Just a regular bitch, thankyouverymuch) I do get feelz.  For instance, I can not hear the song "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" from the movie Frozen with out my throat becoming uncomfortably painful, and tears spilling from my eyes. This reaction just kind of floored me.

I don't know if I am just entering that time in life where people my age start dying, or what.  It just seems like there has been a lot of this happening and I think it really sucks.

I have always really been able to "hold it together" but now it just seems like I can't anymore.  I had another friend from high school lose her mom last year.  Anyone who knows me knows that my mother and I are seriously best friends.  When my friend lost her mom, (to ovarian cancer, dammit) I seriously could not look at her with out just openly crying.  All I could think about was how I would feel in her place and quite frankly, for lack of a better term, it fucked me up.  Just thinking about it now, I am about to lose my shit.(I apologize for the blue language, but you are kind of getting a dose of Cassie Unfiltered here. )  Another friends' 14 year old son has been dealing with cancer and chemo for the last year.  I can't even wander into the realm of feeling there- children?  Fuck that.  Fuck Cancer.

*big sigh*

I don't know where I am going with this.  I just needed to acknowledge my feelings. I have friends that are like "Everyone dies, so and so is lucky" and to that I say bullshit. In my head of course, (we are really too old to be so confrontational.  Unless it is on Facebook, in a comments section of a Tea Party post.  But I digress.)  Somethings are good, somethings are bad.

This thing, is bad.

In the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Thanks for reading.

I am just tired....of everything

I can't believe all the crap that is going on in this country these days.
Rosie O'donell had a good idea. I think I will register as an Independent too.
All these things are creating a perfect distraction for GWB and Co. to run roughshod over the country. Jerks. Yeah, I said it. Whatever.... I don't wanna think anymore, my brain is fried. On that note, I will go and study. I got my test results for my second A&P test- a 94%. I thought I totally bombed, but ended up with the #4 score. Ilamdulillah. This is hard though.
I am out.

Goodbye, Grampa.

My Grampas funeral was today. Here is the obituary that appeared in a local paper. I will miss him so much. A phrase from one of my favorite movies, Forrest Gump: That's all I have to say about that.


ARTHUR J. GARCIA NOV. 24, 1928 - FEB. 24, 2007 Arthur Garcia, 78, passed away Saturday, February 24, 2007 in his home after a short battle with cancer. He was born on November 24, 1928 in Turlock, California. He graduated from Rustic Grammar School and Manteca High School, after which he farmed sweet potatoes with his brother and father. Later, he worked for the Manteca Post Office, and Lou's Termite Control from which he retired. He was a member of the YMI with St. Anthony's Parish, and was active in The Boy Scouts of America with his sons. More recently he was a member of the Men of the Sacred Heart at St. Patricks Catholic Church in Ripon, where he and his wife, Donna, were active members. Mr. Garcia, beloved husband of Donna Garcia, loving father of Cynthia Smedley, of Stockton, Dennis Garcia of French Camp, Gary Garcia of Modesto, James Garcia of Manteca, and Brian Garcia of Ripon, as well as Michael Smedley of Stockton whom he thought of as his son. He was also a loving stepfather to George Azevedo, Jr of Stockton and Kathleen Riley of Manteca. He leaves many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and will be sorely missed by all. Mr. Garcia was very active in his church, and loved nothing better than to spend time at home with his family around him. He was preceded in death by his first wife, Barbara Garcia and son Mathew, and stepson, Cliff Corder, as well as his parents, Frank and Mamie Garcia of Manteca, brother Frank Garcia, Jr., sisters Dorothy Mendes, Mary Von der Heide, Adeline Dice, and Florence Gomes. He was the loving brother of Madeline Azevedo and Eleanor Andrada. The Rosary will be recited Wednesday, February 28, 2007,at 9:30 a.m. with services following at St. Patricks Catholic Church, 19399 E. Hwy. 120, in Ripon, CA. Friends are invited to attend a gathering in the Church Social Hall. Donations are requested in lieu of flowers to the St. Patricks Church Building Fund, or the Hospice of San Joaquin. 3888 Pacific Avenue, Stockton, CA 95204 www.hospicesj.org

Sad Day.

Well, sad news today, about 2 weeks after finding out my Grampa had cancer, he has passed away. He was so sweet and kind, and I will miss him soooo much. It sucks to be so far away at a time like this. It is weird, and I really don't want to sound kooky, but here goes. This whole time he has been sick, I haven't dreamt about him. Except for last night. When I got the email from my Mom that he passed away, I knew what it was going to say before I opened it. Sure enough, there it was.

I love you, and will miss you Grampa.

What the Hell, People?

I was just watching Nightline and they had a story about how a marine unit wiped out three families in Iraq, for no good reason. They were comparing this incident to the My Lai Massacre of 1968. This really sickens me on so many levels. I do not support this war, and never have. My uncle had to spend some time in Iraq with his National Guard unit, and I will say that I support him and respect the job he had to do there. I do not respect the reason we are there or the President that sent him. I think it is becoming more and more of a quagmire everyday. The Commandant of the Marine Corps, Michael W. Hagee, had to fly in to Iraq this week to remind soldiers of the danger of becoming "indifferent to the loss of a human life" .
I feel bad that these soldiers and sailors are even in a position where they have to be reminded of such a thing. They should not be there. Now that they are the stress of the combat situation is turning them into animals. I am not excusing this barbaric behavior. I love Marines. I was a hospital corpsman stationed on a Marine Corps base for my entire service in the Navy. I respect these guys, and the very hard jobs that they have to do. It just disturbs me that this is happening. The kicker here as well, is that this cannot be the only time that this has happened. You just know that it has happened before, and the unit had: A.) no questions asked, B.) some smart folks who made it look justified, and or C.) CO's who did not give a rats ass. (just call'em insurgents!). I think we will be hearing about more of these incidents as this ridiculous war goes on. I am just not looking forward to it. Sorry in advance to any military member I offend. I do have a right to voice my opinion, and needless loss of life hurts everyone. Take it up with the Commander in Chief if you have a problem.

Fair Winds and Following Seas....

Lee Anne Wong of Top Chef.
I was very disturbed by last evenings' Top Chef. That Dave made it to Vegas, leaving down to Lee Anne and Tiffani (beeeeaaatch) and since Lee Annes dish was too busy, she got eliminated. She should have been going to the final round. Dave consistently f-ed up his dishes and was called out for being the worst, almost being eliminated more than once. Lee Anne was not like this and was very professional. Let's just say I am disgusted. At least that jerk Steven got eliminated though, so I am convinced there is a God.

"SIDS" or "Why I hate My Job Tonight"

I just got off of work. Tonight was the hardest night ever. It wasn't busy in the hospital, but that doesn't matter. It is what is really going on.
It is my turn to work in the emergency room at my hospital. You get your assortment of calls. I was paged and told that we had a Code 3 coming in, so I would need to stand by along with all the other departments, respiratory, xray.... We were all there. A few minutes later, I found out that it was going to be a 3 month old baby. OK, that changes things right there.
There is nothing that prepares you for this once you are a MOM. I was a corpsman in the navy. I worked in the NICU I have seen my share of infants in distress. I have been in on "codes". I didn't realize that once you have carried, delivered, nursed and otherwise mothered a child, all of that really goes out the window where children are concerned, what I mean to say is that I get UPSET now, when I never used to. Put an IV in a newborn? SURE, put a rubberband around his/her head and lets find that vein. Vitamin K injection? Hep B vaccine? Go Get 'em tiger. But now.... I digress.
They brought this tiny three month old infant into the emergency room doing CPR on her. I watched as the Dr. and then the RT got her intubated, all the while chest compressions going on her tiny red body. She was stiff. It was bad, people. While it was going on I kept thinking, "ok here goes the epi, that oughta do it.... ok more epi, c'mon girl...Alright here goes the third dose..." Nothing.
The doctor called the code.
She was gone.
Later, I found out that she was born prematurely. This was a classic case of SIDS. All I could think about was that her parents would have to be told. A mom that went to work that night, and a dad that went to sleep that night with a daughter, now didn't have her anymore. Those poor people. God help them through this horrible time.
I held myself together long enough to get back down to the lab, then I lost it. I wanted to get in my car, go home and wake my son up and hold him forever.
that happened when I still had 5 hours to go in my shift. In and out of the emergency room I went, having to pass the family of this infant every time. I hated seeing the look on the fathers face. He had a vacant devastated look, that I have a hard time finding words to describe. The mother had to drive in from an hour and a half away to find out that she had lost her daughter that came in to this world a little to early to begin with. Now she has left too early as well.
It is hard to even begin to think of the horror that the father must have felt to find his infant the way he did. God I am so dwelling on this. I am sorry folks, but if I don't write about this, I think I will dream about it and I just DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
So that was my night. How was yours?