Saturday, February 05, 2005

"SIDS" or "Why I hate My Job Tonight"

I just got off of work. Tonight was the hardest night ever. It wasn't busy in the hospital, but that doesn't matter. It is what is really going on.
It is my turn to work in the emergency room at my hospital. You get your assortment of calls. I was paged and told that we had a Code 3 coming in, so I would need to stand by along with all the other departments, respiratory, xray.... We were all there. A few minutes later, I found out that it was going to be a 3 month old baby. OK, that changes things right there.
There is nothing that prepares you for this once you are a MOM. I was a corpsman in the navy. I worked in the NICU I have seen my share of infants in distress. I have been in on "codes". I didn't realize that once you have carried, delivered, nursed and otherwise mothered a child, all of that really goes out the window where children are concerned, what I mean to say is that I get UPSET now, when I never used to. Put an IV in a newborn? SURE, put a rubberband around his/her head and lets find that vein. Vitamin K injection? Hep B vaccine? Go Get 'em tiger. But now.... I digress.
They brought this tiny three month old infant into the emergency room doing CPR on her. I watched as the Dr. and then the RT got her intubated, all the while chest compressions going on her tiny red body. She was stiff. It was bad, people. While it was going on I kept thinking, "ok here goes the epi, that oughta do it.... ok more epi, c'mon girl...Alright here goes the third dose..." Nothing.
The doctor called the code.
She was gone.
Later, I found out that she was born prematurely. This was a classic case of SIDS. All I could think about was that her parents would have to be told. A mom that went to work that night, and a dad that went to sleep that night with a daughter, now didn't have her anymore. Those poor people. God help them through this horrible time.
I held myself together long enough to get back down to the lab, then I lost it. I wanted to get in my car, go home and wake my son up and hold him forever.
that happened when I still had 5 hours to go in my shift. In and out of the emergency room I went, having to pass the family of this infant every time. I hated seeing the look on the fathers face. He had a vacant devastated look, that I have a hard time finding words to describe. The mother had to drive in from an hour and a half away to find out that she had lost her daughter that came in to this world a little to early to begin with. Now she has left too early as well.
It is hard to even begin to think of the horror that the father must have felt to find his infant the way he did. God I am so dwelling on this. I am sorry folks, but if I don't write about this, I think I will dream about it and I just DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
So that was my night. How was yours?

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