Saturday, September 11, 2004

Sane/Insane

What is it exactly that makes a woman decide to have another child? When I was pregnant, I was pretty miserable for most of it. I kept waiting for that pregnant woman "glow" I don't think that it happened; at least I didn't see it. I woke up in the morning went to work in the afternoon to wait tables and inevitably, barf. Out of no where. My favorite foods, nauseating. My feet, swollen. My desire to sleep on my stomach and not being able to. There was just no comfortable way to sleep. I had the genetic screening done as part of the normal prenatal workup and was told that I had a 1 in 97 chance of having a child with Downs Syndrome, but not to let that affect my outlook on the pregnancy or allow it to make me nervous. Thankfully, my son Ayman was born healthy, with all fingers and toes. He had to stay in the hospital for three days afterward because my water was broken for longer than 24 hours (I had decided that I absolutely had to find out who Melana would choose on Average Joes season finale, and ignored my water breaking at 8:30 in the evening. In my defense, it wasn't A LOT of water, and since I had been pretty much incontinent since 6 weeks prior I gave myself the benefit of the doubt.), but other than that he was great. Thanks god or ilhamdullilah as Muslims say. At first it was very hard to be a mom, my husband helped a lot, but he was more clueless than I was. When the baby was 5 weeks old we traveled to Egypt to intro duce the baby and I to my husbands family. Did I mention my little angel was completely psychotic the entire time we were there? (4 weeks!) Luckily, a few days after we got back his attitude started adjusting and he is a happy little guy, with a pleasant disposition and he just started crawling. In short (but not really short) he is now keeping me on my toes. The last 18 months have been hard.
So why do I want to have another now? I mean NOW. I want to be pregnant yesterday. I must be insane. What makes me think that I can take care of two infants, change two sets of diapers, breastfeed again, and get to know another little person? Am I nuts? Where do you find the love for two babies? I mean, I know we have it. It is just hard to imagine loving anyone more than the little guy who rests his head on my chest when he is tired, or grunts so loud you can hear him from across the house when he is about to load his diaper.
Here I am though, ready and rarin' to go. Of course my husband looooves making the baby. I don't mind it much myself either. I am excited at the prospect. I have a feeling that I am going to remember A LOT of things that I forgot I didn't like about the whole process. I think that is called pregnancy amnesia. (and if it isn't it needs to be.) So wish me luck, because I think I am going to be a mom again soon.

2 comments:

  1. I am in a very similar situation. My daughter, Sophia, is going to be 2 in October. And I want another one. I miss the crying I couldn't handle with the first one. I miss the little baby that I got tired of carrying around for half the day. But I want one. Not that I haven't received advice from my mother-in-law: "I won't say you're crazy for wanting another one so soon, I won't say it because it's none of my business, but there's a reason I waited 5 and a half years between mine." I don't know if you have an in-law or relative like this, but she is obnoxious.
    Anyway, I feel the same as you. I want to be pregnant, I want to feel a baby moving around inside me again. Apparently the constant heartburn and sleepless nights are erased from my memory. Only thoughts of hearing the heartbeat and reading stories to my stomach at night remain. It must be something biological. If you could recall in every gory detail the specifics of pregnancy and delivery I'm sure there wouldn't be nearly as many people in the world as there are today.
    I just want to wish you luck (please do the same for me). We hope to get pregnant in October or November, but who knows how long it will take. By the way, you have a beautiful child.
    jmcurtice

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  2. Thank you very much. Gook luck to you. With any luck we will be pregnant again at the same time. My mother in law is in Egypt. She doesnt speak english. She had her children one right on top of the other. I think she would just be happy, she is a really sweet woman. When I was pregnant with Ayman my sister in law (also in Egypt) was pregnant with her third child. They were a month and a half apart. She had a girl.
    I miss the being pregnant part too. I suffered with the heartburn so bad I was scared it would not go away when I delivered but it did, thank goodness. The crazy thing I miss the most is breastfeeding. My son decided he preferred the bottle and weaned himself from me at around 4 months. I still dream about it. I miss the closeness and the look on his face after he was full and fell asleep. Yikes, I need to get pregnant already. Thanks for visiting.

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